Thursday, January 29, 2009
The Preschool Dilemma

Last week, I called our neighbourhood preschool to find out more information. My plan was to enroll her in the 3-year old program, since she would be 3 in the fall- turning 4 in December. The lady sounded very concerned, and asked if I was confused, or if it was my intent to "hold her back". And then informed me that she should probably be in the 4-year old preschool.

In theory, since she is born in 2005, she should be enrolled in Kindergarten in 2010. But, if we do that. she would be the youngest in her class. I was a December baby too, and was forever behind. No fun.

I also thought I had a year or so to make this decision. But, I need to decide now which preschool group to enroll her in (the school in our neighbourhood is already full for next year!)- so I have to decide pronto if we are "holding her back" or not.

And now, more than ever, I'm on the fence. Here's why:

1) The phrase "holding her back" really bothers me. Shouldn't I just enroll her when she is supposed to be enrolled? I feel all guilty, bad mom-ish about that comment.

2) I could be seeing this all wrong (cuz she's my child, so I may be bias), but from what I can tell, she's a bright kid. She has an extensive vocabulary, is quick to learn, has pretty good social skills, and most of all, is independent. That is why this decision is so tough. I'm not seeing any reasons to hold her back.

3) But, I also don't want her to be the runt in her class, always a little behind.

It's so hard to know what to do. So, I am asking (pretty much begging here) for advice.

Should I enroll her in preschool next year, and then if she's not ready for kindergarten, have her repeat the preschool year? Should I just plan on holding her back, and forget preschool until the year after? From what you can tell about Eva, do you think she would thrive if I sent her to Kindergarten when she's 4? Or do you think it's wise to wait until she's 5?
 
posted by Teresa at 1:49 PM | Permalink |


18 Comments:


  • At 3:59 PM, Blogger Keri

    So, I do not have any idea how to parent or anything like that, but I have personal experience in the realm of being the baby in the class. I was born on December 20 and was 4 in Kindergarten, I was 17 going into University and am now 21 and almost graduated University. The way I see it is, put her in the older one, she is just as capable as the other kids and in the end you'll kinda be giving her a year's headstart.

     
  • At 4:31 PM, Blogger Davey & Tink

    Sheesh. Ignore the preschool lady. My son was born in October which makes him one of the youngest in his class. I tried him in preschool last year; he was obviously not ready for it so I took him out. This year (even though he turned four in October) I put him back in the same 2 year old preschool class. HUGE difference and I can totally tell he's ready for kindergarten now. My sister's daughter is in the same preschool class even though she did it last year and she turns five this weekend. They do the exact same curriculum except they add one more day (usually extra crafts) for the 4 year old class. YOU decide which class you want your daughter in. Then, when you see how she does in the class YOU decide whether you think she's ready for Kindergarten or not. Moms really do know best.

    ...from what I've seen on here and the few times I've met your kids when their grandparents have them, she's a very bright kid. I don't think you have anything to worry about!

     
  • At 6:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Put her in! If she's not ready for kindergarten, she can do another year of preschool. But it sounds like she's a smartiepants, so she should be ok :)

     
  • At 6:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    I was one of the older kids in my class and seeing other "younger" kids I wouldn't want to trade places with them. It was especially hard during the teenage years when priveledges like driving come into play.

    If she's ready for school, could she do two years of preschool? Or do a Pre-K class next year?

     
  • At 8:19 PM, Blogger Jen Wilson

    I asked my in-laws, since they "held back" their middle daughter. She is a November baby. They said that a health nurse had told them that it gives the child an extra year at the end of high school (that she wouldn't have had otherwise). They "held her back" and they said that they don't regret it for a moment. They said that she ended up being a little more mature than her classmates and that she is glad that she was held back.

    Hope you get the help that you need! Also, my dad was the youngest in his class - you could ask him how he felt being the youngest (when he gets back from Cuba).

     
  • At 8:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Well, I'll say it again - sorry for repeating myself! You were the youngest in your class, Teresa, and you had a few hard years. Dad and I and your teacher seriously wanted to hold you back and have you repeat first grade, but we felt you would have been teased for 'flunking' first grade, so we let you continue.
    Your second and third grade teachers worked very hard and overtime with your self confidence, which is why you were the snowman in the play they did at school. They wanted to capitalize on the talent they saw you had, which was singing. You were very fortunate to have had two teachers who went beyond the call of duty to help you so much.
    You've always been smart enough to keep up with the learning part of school. It was your self confidence that made you look and act alot younger than your classmates. You'll remember your teen years better than I - how did it feel when everyone else got their drivers license except you? or when you still wanted to play Barbies, and the only friend who wanted to was also a December baby (Nicole N)? - everyone else felt they were too old. You'll also remember we didn't push you into college right after high school - we still felt you needed a year to 'catch up' emotionally and socially. Aren't you glad you waited to go to ECC until you had a plan in place, instead of doing it because everyone else was going to college somewhere?

    I agree with whoever said 'ignore the preschool lady'. Eva's your kid, and there's nothing bad-mommyish about you being the one to decide when Eva starts school. It was not an appropriate statement for her to make about you 'holding Eva back'. Eva won't miss anything important - she'll learn her ABC's, how to add and subtract, cut and paste, know the provinces of Canada, take biology, phys ed and home economics, etc no matter when she starts.
    You just want to make sure she feels good about what she's doing and develops the social and physical skills to get along and relate to others in her world.

    You're doing such a good job with Eva - don't let anyone (even me)let you feel guilty about what you decide to do.

     
  • At 8:34 PM, Blogger Bloggy Mama

    Your kid, therefor your call. As a teacher, and knowing a little bit about Eva, I'd let her go in the 4yo class. I am also a Dec baby, and it sounds like she'd do fine. Like you said, if you decide that you don't want her to go to K when the rest of her class would, you wouldn't be doing the wrong thing to follow through on what you believe to be right. Trust your instinct, Teresa!! You'll do what's right for Eva.

     
  • At 9:32 PM, Blogger Chelsey

    dont you think it would be better to GET to do preschool twice rather than HAVING to do kindergaten or grade 1 twicE? My brother was held back in grade 3...he still talks about it, jokingly ofcourse, but it still,it must bug him deep down or he wouldnt even talk about it.. im not sureon this one...HOPE OTHER PEOPLE ARE MORE HELPFUL IN THEIR ADVICE

     
  • At 3:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Teresa, I'll jump in as well - Kevin is a Dec 29th baby (born at 38 weeks because I had to have elective caesarian - I was not allowed to go into labour because my placenta abrupted with David and they did not want to risk another) Kevin was due Jan 11th - anyhow, I went through lots and lots of guilt because that made him the youngest kid in the class rather than the oldest - plus he was physically small (although now bigger than David who was always physically big) I ran a home day care at the time and still see him getting on the bus (he was so short, he needed a push to get up the steps - his backpack came down to the back of his knees) - to make a long story short - Kevin's best friends that he met in Kindergarden are still his best friends - the main dude is born in March - yep he drove first and in univ could legally buy beer first, but Kevin is a well adapted very social kid and notwithstanding my anxiousness and guilt (get used to it - you are a mom) has never looked back - he went to univ at 17.75 yrs and starting his co-op accounting program at age 19 and 5 days - he was mature enough to work with the general public. I personally know kids born in January - therefor the oldest or 2 yrs older, who are less social, less mature and less adapted. It depends on Eva. The lady's comment is totally out of place and completely unwarrented. I have never met Eva, but read your blog (my morning routine) - in your description she is a well adjusted, mature, intelligent, caring and loving little girl, who is very well parented. Little people love their own kind (other little people) and love to learn. So, maybe look at the curriculum to help you make a decision. Why not visit a class and observe for the morning to determine whether the children are 'at her stage' or not. Take Nich along - he sees her very differently than you do. You are ultimately the parents and will make the decision based on the best information you have. Feel guilty, but it will be a waste of time, as you can not repeat the past, just focus on the future.

    So here is a twist or a wrench for you (I know the decision making is tough) - I ran a daycare, so my kids really wanted to go to school with the rest and they were ready, and I could/would not have stopped them. But four families on my street home schooled their kids at that time. The mothers took turns teaching a different subject each morning - two sent their kids to school in grade one and two homeschooled until grade 10. Had I had the opportunity to just be a mom (and you are so, so , so fortunate you can be one!!!) rather than working - (although as a home day care provider I still saw the kids), I would have joined the 'home school' group and put my kids into public school the second half of Senior Kindergarten, just so they got used to a big (25 + kid) classroom routine and so they knew some kids going into grade one. I would have enjoyed them, spent more time with them, taught them and still had a social group for them (they need this) during those precious few years that they were little, as they grow so fast.

    Our personalities are all unique. As parents we try to shelter our children from the hurts we experienced or the hurts we think they will experience. Dont!!! If human beings never have a difficult situation to deal with, they will never learn how to deal with one - they will not have decision making skills, have less accountability or responsibility and will never find their strength of charachter. (I see it every day in money management. The children who received everything they asked for cannot manage money and are always in debt - the children who grew up on a budget, had to earn their own money and save for things rather than 'put it on credit and pay whenever' know that one plus one is two...not four) You as a parent need to give your child 'roots and wings' - let her experience what you believe she is ready for -she is most likely ready for more - if there are difficulties she will come back to her roots (home)for your guidance and love but give her wings and allow her to fly ....you will not look back, but marvel at how she learns and becomes a unique individual.....there is a line in the book "The Prophet" - something like this ......children come through you, but do not belong to you........... - because they are their own unique person.

    Like anything else, you will make the right decision.

     
  • At 11:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Isn't parenting challenging! I never knew I knew so little until I had kids! Whatever decision you make will be out of love but it still doesn't help to make decision-making easier. My little man will be entering Junior Kindergarten in the fall and he's an October baby as well. Just because your daughter was born in December doesn't mean she'll be far behind from the others. Each child blooms at their own time and each child has their own talents and gifts, and as parents, it's our job to help discover those gifts. (Sounds so easy...too bad it's not.) From what you've written about your sweetie, it sounds like she's very capable. If there is an area of concern, then maybe you focus in on that area and work on it before she starts preschool. The only thing that I would suggest for any parent is to measure your child's growth against themselves (last month he counted to 12 but this month he can count to 16). Look at her personal gains and she'll see how successful she is! If you find that she is behind (which I doubt), then you can discuss this with her preschool educator and then devise a plan to help her. Do what you feel is best.

     
  • At 12:44 PM, Blogger Kristin

    From what I have seen and heard of Eva (here on your blog) she seems to be a very bright girl, who is also socially ready for preschool too.
    Not that the final call is hers, but what does Eva think about preschool, is she excited about it or does she seem worried or not interested? That would impact my decision if it were my child.
    Also would she be in a preschool class that was only 3 year olds so all kids born in 2005 or would it be a split class of 3 and 4 year olds? That would also impact my decision, if it's only 3 year olds then I would go for it.
    After 2 years of preschool if you really don't feel that she would be ready for kindergarten then you could always have her do a 3rd year of preschool then. I don't think that would be the case though.

    My MIL was a kindergarten teacher and also a gr. 1 teacher and she saw many kids born at all different times of the year, and it is not the ones that are born in Nov and Dec that can also "be behind". The biggest impact that she found was what the home environment was like. And that being said Eva is in GOOD hands. :)

     
  • At 2:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    I was a November baby. Put into school when i was 4. Ended up skipping grade 9. Graduated in the january following my 16th birthday. IAwesome! I think if i had a little december BOY i would keep him home. Boys seem to need that extra time with mommy. bright girls like eva seem ready. and if she starts kindergarten, you can always change your mind.....

    angela

     
  • At 2:43 PM, Blogger Unknown

    wow - you sure are getting lots of great advice!! I'm not really qualified in the parent category but I'd think ya could just put her in the 4 year old class and then if she doesn't seem ready have her do it again - no bid deal! She seems like one smart kid to me though!!!

    Good luck ~ whatever you guys decide I'm sure it will turn out great in the end because you and Nich are such great loving parents and in the end the most important thing is who they are coming home to at the end of their day. =)

     
  • At 2:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

    When I sent me daughter to school (dec baby) I took into consideration the fact that I would prefer her to be the eldest and more likely a leader than the youngest, and its not this end of the schooling that is a challenge, how about when finishing school a whole year younger than every one else and more likely a bit more immature. Don't rush her through, feel into what is right for her in the big picture, and another year home with you is a gift because once school starts you will miss Eva time!

     
  • At 1:42 PM, Blogger Jen

    We are/were in a similar situation. Abby is a December baby but we enrolled her in preschool "on time" (Dec. 31 being the cutoff), she's half way through her second year and will start Kindergarten as a 4 year old. It's such an individual decison, based on what's important to you, based on your own child, etc. We made the decision with Abby to do it because we felt she was ready academically and wouldn't feel challenged otherwise. As for maturity, again, very individual. Abby is pretty mature for her age but she is quite shy. That part of it was what I struggled with the most.

    anyway, after that rambling, I just want to stay to listen to your gut and everything will work out. You know your kiddos and their capabilities best!

     
  • At 7:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Teresa - it is Nich's aunt Jane here. I was so thrilled to be able to attend your wedding and meet you!! My son Nick was a late October baby. We did not have much in the way of preschool in those days but my Nick did not feel caught up until he had taken a year out after highschool.
    Anyway to me it sounds as if you yourself are teaching your daughter very well and preschool is not compulsory so you have a choice of just enjoying your dear daughters and not having to be tied to the preschool schedule.

     
  • At 8:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Papa Ralph thinks Eva should be allowed the opportunity to explore and do the things that she loves most while she has the freedom to do it ... school consumes way too much of life and lasts a VERY VERY LONG TIME once it starts!!!!!!!!!

     
  • At 8:21 AM, Blogger Nicole Feliciano

    we have the opposite issue in Brooklyn. the trend is to start kids as late as possible so they will test better. At this rate, we will be graduating kids from HS when they are 20!

    It all depends on what you and your family are ready for. Trust your intincts!

    Great post! This month I am dedicating momtrends' editorial to expecting moms and I have great giveaways too! Check out this one:

    http://momtrends.blogspot.com/2009/02/giggle-momtrends-help-expecting-moms.html